witchyhellbroth:

pinenolanapple:

it takes 237 muscles to fake an orgasm but 15 to say “it’s called a clitoris and it’s right here”

#don’t ever fake an orgasm let them know they disappointed you

xplosivediarrhea:

imagine how much power you’d have if you woke up with a clear face and perfect hair every day

tupacabra:

shampoo for my real friends

real poo for my sham friends

zooeyclairedeschanel:

i have no interest in small talk tell me about ur childhood and what ur parents are like and how many siblings u have and if u are afraid of death or if u believe in an afterlife and what ur favorite movie is and if u like romantic comedies or horror movies or action movies and what kind of music u like and why and tell me the bands or artists u loved in middle school but are too ashamed to admit to anyone else

Honestly, you just take a deep breath and say fuck it.
― Johnny Knoxville (via bl-ossomed)